Ajah Hales

I really enjoyed your article and I respect your choice, although I cannot say I would choose that path for myself. I wonder if you experience internalized anti-blackness in intimate partner relationships with Black folx?

I have also dated ‘across the rainbow’ and find it the most disappointing when the person I’m dating is Black with a colonized mind. I know we all have to deal, with the vestiges of colonization in ourselves, but every once in a while I find myself on a date with a Black man that wishes our community would ‘put aside the drugs and pull ourselves up,’ or at lunch with an ethical vegan Black femme who is a TERF.

I’m always more disappointed when a Black person eliminates themselves as a prospective partner than I am when a white person or NBPOC does it. Sometimes, I think I hold Black partners to a higher standard than white/ NBPOC ones, and in the past it has led me to make poor choices (like going on that 4th date with a Hotep) in an effort to ‘be fair’ to Black potential partners. At the same time, I have had NBPOC partners that exposed my own ignorance of my privileged identities and helped me grow into someone who is willing and able to do my own work.

My struggle is, skin color can’t tell you how colonized or liberated someone’s mind is. I wish there was a questionnaire for that!

Anyway, I really enjoyed your article and your voice. I look forward to reading more from you in the future!


World Changer. Social Thinker. Business Owner. #WEOC